My Younger Years
by Nadja Lee
Summary: Scott rethinks his relationship with Jean and finds that though he loves her he still needs room to grow in.


My Younger Years 

By Nadja Lee 10/07/02

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

Disclaimer: "Am I The Only One?" was sung by Marc Anthony and belong to him, the song writers and record company and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie.

Universe: Set in the movie universe.

Romance: Scott/Jean

Summary: Scott rethinks his relationship with Jean and finds that he needs room to grow in.

Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.

Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@hotmail.com

Rating: PG

Sequel/series: None.

Thanks to Estelle for the beta.

***

I sit here in the dark and I wonder....are we playing some kind of game and if so is the game even ours? We've been together for six years now and the flame of passion that I held in my youth is no longer burning....I was blinded then by your beauty as any schoolboy would. Remember, I was just a boy. I didn't know about commitment; I just wanted love. I've played an adult since we started dating but I was only seventeen when we started going out. It's just that now I wonder what I've missed and what could have been. I wonder if I won't have regrets and believe me; I don't want our love to be a regret.

I think about what I've missed…all my youth.....You had already had your youth; you were twenty-eight when we started going out but I never got to have any. I hardly had a childhood and now I find I didn't have a youth either. Yes, I never made those stupid teenage mistakes but maybe I should have because aren't our mistakes a part of life? I want to make mistakes I can learn from and that I can look back at. 

Am I the only one who sees what we have become? The passion has died and now it's just comfortable and known. Not a hint of what used to be is left when everything was new and fresh and passion stirred whenever we touched. Now we hardly ever touch.....Hell, we hardly even talk. Can't you see that we have moved apart? You're really to settle down and have a family, you want to get married. But love you've already seen the world, you have been wild and you have made mistakes. All I ask is the chance to do the same.

Am I the only one who sees what we have become? I see no reason to go on like this. Let's not argue about which fault it is; let's just call it fate. We'll only torment ourselves for no reason. Let's face the truth; we're building a life on a lie. We don't want the same thing from life because we're on two very different stages in life. You've past youth and are now mature, I've never had a chance for a youth and I need and want one. I don't want to sit when I'm eighty and be an old and bitter man who regrets everything and always wonders 'what if?'. I need to have just some answers and just some memories of something....wild and forbidden. There's no reason to go over the edge but I do need to try and look down over the cliff or I'll always wonder and regret I never did. I need to do this now while there's still time.

Love? What of love? That young teenager who fell in love with you would say that love conquers all but in reality it doesn't. I loved you then and I still love you now but we're too different and we have moved apart; our wishes and dreams aren't the same....I doubt they ever were but when we started going out we were both too much in love to notice. 

In any relationship you must compromise; I know this but this isn't working. I'm the man you want me to be but frankly.....I'm not sure I'm the man I wish to be. Maybe in ten years the man I am today is who I want to be but not now. For once I want to dress and act my age, I want to let loose and be free....somewhere far away where no one knows me so I can start over. I need a fresh start.

Let's not part as enemies because we never were. I loved you then and I love you now, don't pretend anything else even to make this easier on yourself. I'm sorry to hurt you, truly I am but if I stay I'll die.....slowly I'll die inside and I fear I'll one day blame you for that emptiness I'll feel inside...and I'll eventually end up hating you. I don't want to do that. Let's remember and celebrate what we had and part as friends. People change and people grow apart.... People fall apart.

I can't be the only one who thinks that this isn't working out. Let's not torment ourselves and pretend. There's not a hint of what used to be........ I've grown up but I've had no room in which to grow in. I need that now.

So, please......let me go and let's part as friends.

No hard feelings?

Just remember, you were my first love and so far you have been my only love. That makes you and the love we had very special and I'll always cherish that.

But now it's time to find out who I am and what I want. I need to find myself before I can even try and find a 'we'. 

You're a very beautiful woman, a remarkable woman. You'll find someone who can give you all you want because you deserve someone who does that; someone who gives it all and means it but that someone can't be me.

Thanks for the years you chose to spend with me, I'll cherish our love always.

Bye now, lov........be strong like I know you are. That's it…that's it, no tears. 

Goodbye.

The End 


End file.
